Juggle Life

In her column, Parenting Solo, Angela Scott will share her journey of balancing parenting duties, work and downtime activities, while keeping up with her two daughters, Shani (8) and Samara (7). Parenting Solo will take you inside the home, mind, heart and soul of this working single mom who’s found the role as a single parent to be a rewarding mix of blessings and blues. “It’s an incredible blessing that calls for supernatural resources,” she says. Angela invites you to write to her at shaniadura@netzero.net.






I’ve survived two o’clock feedings, midnight emergency room trips and first day of school jitters – alone. I too, have experienced those days where if one mo’ child or adult needs me for something or even looks my way and acts like they need me, I’ll …

This seemingly endless marathon race of single parenting has been my undertaking for the past nine years. Yep, I’m running a relay race by faith and a pocketful of parenting tidbits gathered throughout my 35 years. Thank the Lord my strong support system of family, friends and church are strong pillars that help me to stand during life’s many earthquakes.

My balancing act as a single black mom ends and begins with prayer. Not saying that my method is the best, but it keeps peace in my home – my valley. As a columnist, I’ll offer tips, words of encouragement and a few anecdotes – hopefully tools you can use as you run your own relay race of solo parenting. Entering into the third month of 2004 calls for a time to re-evaluate and prioritize what we thought we already prioritized on December 31, 2003 at 11:58 p.m. I challenge you to JUGGLE LIFE and see how your 2004 ends:

J – Justify your spending, whether it be money, time spent with kids or time allotted to do the single parent sanity duties such as sleep, eat and go to the bathroom. Remember the actions done in the present help to charter the future.

U – Ultimatums must end. As “new millennium” parents, we tend to allow our kids options that we never experienced as kids. Re-evaluate the ultimatum form of parenting, especially if cooking dinner, choosing TV shows and picking out kids’ clothing becomes a nightmare.

G – Glorify and give thanks to God. The Bible tells us, “In all things, we are to glorify Him.” This should be done daily and more so during those times when your balancing act has you hanging by a noose. Thank the Lord because He’s the only that can turn your situation around.

G – Gravitate towards the positive at all times. A negative state of being requires more energy and creates more health issues. Remaining upbeat even during life’s most difficult obstacles allows children to learn from you the ability to practice fortitude, patience and self-control – some of life’s most precious character traits.

L – Listen to your kids: they are people too! Mealtimes offer the best opportunity to discuss daily issues. Somehow, enjoying good food, while discussing “traumatic” events is a good mix. Giving your kids your full attention (i.e. a listening ear) now, creates a relationship you’ll treasure during the tween and teen years.

E – Emergency support is a necessity. A handy list of family, friends and resources should be in place to create respite opportunities. Set up a bartering system with friends and family and trade off caregiver days – even if it’s only once a month. Such precious time is required to regroup and take care of tasks that are best accomplished without bringing along kids. Maintain a library of reference material such as books on parenting, home remedies and a medical dictionary.

L – Love and forgive. Don’t ever go to bed angry. Though forgiveness is sometimes a hard pill to swallow, being able to forgive offers its own sense of peace. Sooner or later you’ll reach a day when someone contemplates swallowing that same pill of forgiveness regarding his or her relationship with you.

I – Infallible is not in the parenting vocabulary. Everyone makes mistakes so drop your pride and admit your error, especially to your kids. Admitting when you’re wrong allows your child to see the power of humility.

F – Forget past hurts. Never tongue-lash the absent parent or others who may challenge your self-control, for what you sow you shall also reap. Move on and allow your path towards destiny to continue without blocking any blessings potentially held up in clouds of anger, shame, pain and revenge.

E – Enjoy your kids and the endless marathon you’re running. When all else fails, think about the time when you’ll be able to look back and wonder how you survived.

Like sponges, children form opinions based upon life experiences and expectations. They’re always watching and listening to your every emotion – positive or negative. Most importantly, remember that you are only experiencing a temporary situation, nothing is permanent – not even life. Should you find yourself in a tizzy over unexpected warfare, take a breath and think before you speak and act.

God Bless,

Angela D. Scott lives in the Los Angeles area and is the Special Sections Editor, L.A. Parent. This professional writer is a single mother of two daughters, Shani and Samara.

February 26, 2004