No More Options
In her column, Parenting Solo, Angela Scott
will share her journey of balancing parenting duties, work and downtime
activities, while keeping up with her two daughters, Shani (8) and
Samara (7). Parenting Solo will take you inside the home, mind, heart
and soul of this working single mom who’s found the role as
a single parent to be a rewarding mix of blessings and blues. “It’s
an incredible blessing that calls for supernatural resources,”
she says. Angela invites you to write to her at shaniadura@netzero.net.
I'm currently working on treatment for
my 4 year-old Samara, who is suffering from an acute case of NMP,
a condition I coined as "New Millennium Parentingitis."
What's that you ask? According to several of my closest friends and
family members, New Millennium Parentingitis is a complex developmental
plight that typically appears during the first three years of life,
and if left untreated, can last a lifetime.
NMP is one of many conditions that come under the umbrella of self-centeredness,
which affects behavior in the realm of social and communicative skills.
The cause of NMP stems from inconsistent discipline methods, where
children are not punished for continual disobedience. Once a parent
attempts
to "re-train" his or her child with aggressive discipline
methods and the child is no longer allowed to have his or her way,
the environment becomes difficult for all in and around the child.
Symptoms of NMP manifests in the form of uncontrollable temper tantrums
and exhibited through shouting, crying, screaming and falling out
in public. He or she will also revert to name-calling, where the parent
hears phrases such as “Mommy, you’re mean” and “Daddy,
you’re not fair.” Do not confuse this with the normal
temper tantrums often seen during the “terrible two’s
and three’s” stages. NMP is worse and the condition, if
not treated, can cause a lifetime of stress for family, friends, associates
and strangers alike.
Please review the following scenarios to determine if your child suffers
from NMP:
Situation #1:
A 4 year-old wails at the checkout line of the grocery store when
her mother decides not to purchase the little girl’s favorite
snack. This tantrum manifests after the mother repeatedly returned
the item to the shelf, as well as handed the item to the cashier to
return to the shelf. (Note: the child is so insistent that her mother
will give in that the little girl places the item back into the basket
and challenges the mother in a “stare-down” contest.)
Completely overwhelmed with grief, the youngster loudly screams and
cries during the family’s departure from the store, walk to
the car and drive home. Crying finally ceases when exhaustion consumes
the child, causing her to fall asleep.
Situation #2:
A 12 year-old girl, who did not complete her assigned chores, leaves
a “love note” to her father stating that she needs money
for the after-school dance. When the father denies the request, the
‘tween girl argues with her father and storms off. Along with
refusing to perform chores around the house, the daughter stops speaking
to her father and siblings. Despite behaving intolerably, the 12 year-old
leaves a second “love note,” reminding her father to leave
her money before he goes to work.
Situation #3:
A 16 year-old boy already on punishment for arriving home late from
a high-school basketball game tells his mother that he’s spending
the night over a friend’s house after attending the evening’s
high-school dance. When the teen’s mother reminds her son that
he’s not allowed to attend the dance, the boy replies, “I
know,” before walking out the door with his overnight bag.
Situation #4:
A 7 year-old boy tells his mother that he doesn’t like her restaurant
choice, and that she must drive somewhere else because he doesn’t
like the food served at the restaurant. When the mother gets out of
the car, the boy screams at his mother, telling her, “I hate
you and this place.” The mother gets back into the car and drives
to her son’s requested eatery.
If the above scenarios are familiar, then your child most likely suffers
from NMP. The prevalence of NMP has increased over the past 15 years
as life’s daily stress has caused many adults to lose the desire
to remain firm when disciplining children. Some parents also believe
this condition increased when aggressive legislature enacted tougher
child abuse laws, causing a fear among many parents, educators and
caregivers.
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