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Like many black women I burden myself with processed (oppressed) hair. Once per week I discard my mommy uniform and sojourner to the beauty parlor where I spend three quiet hours without my boys. This is more than a continuous right of passage. It's my haven. I wasn't always kind to my locks. As a child, I hated wasting time at the hairdresser. I promised myself that when I was grown I wouldn't spend all weekend in the beauty shop and church. As soon as I was on my own, I succeeded. I found uplifting, brief, church services and a speedy hair stylist. I was liberated! I had weekends. Then I had a baby. As much as I love our little blessing, I missed spending time with me. Once I became a mother it seemed as if church and hair appointments were the only times I could sit and be alone. Thank God for the church nursery. Although I wasn't bold enough to ask the church worship council to extend services, I did prolong my hair appointments. I stretched them from forty minutes to almost three hours. How? Instead of a quick wash and blow dry, I deep condition under the hair dryer, roller set my shoulder length mane, and return to the dryer until I'm baked. Then I'm coiffed, primped and otherwise prepared for . . . well . . . nothing, but my hair is clean and I'm refreshed. Yes. I do this every week. Why? It's my best use of personal time. While hiding out, I'm nourishing me. The dryer forces me to slow my pace. Under it I must be still. I can't multi-task chores and developmental play. I'm stuck with me. That's liberating! Whether I'm writing, reading or napping, my time under the dryer is all for me. Often this is the only time I accomplish any of the above. The women in the beauty shops of my youth weren't wasting time. They were feeding their souls. I'm preserving the tradition. My husband and son reap the benefits of this personal cultivation. After these appointments, I'm recharged. For a few hours, I have my full attention. My boys get a renewed wife and mommy. That's a win-win. Everyone
deserves renewal time. Restorative time away from each other sweetens
our time together. Take time to plan your escape. Ritualize it.
Your family will thank you. *****
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In
her column MY FINAL FRONTIER Kamyra Harding uses humor and personal
experience to explore parenting and family from a womanist perspective.
Kamyra has a fifteen year track record of service in not-for-profit
management and administration. She has worked with a variety of
organizations including the United Nations Association of the USA
and the American Red Cross in Greater New York. Kamrya resides in
New York City with her husband and son. 