Angela's Journal

March 23, 2005

Makin' It Matters!

“Last week, I had another moment - a time when tears were streaming down my face, while rushing to my children's school. Sadly, I wasn't crying because my daughter had a fever, sore throat and needed the attention of her working mom. Nope. I was upset because I couldn't rely upon my kids' father to pick them up on days like these, when my work desk is piled with things calling for my attention.

Zooming along on my 30-minute trip, I started dialing several friends and family members on my cell phone - only to quickly hang up before the call was ever connected. I wanted to yell and be silent at the same time. Stoplights are vague as my mind is recalling recent discussions with my daughters, who were already going through another month of wondering why their father hadn't returned calls or dropped by to visit. Because I remain adamant about not "tongue lashing" their dad, I offer them, "Sometimes, parents need to be alone to sort things out."

However, my resourceful 5 year-old is always quick to point out, "But that's no excuse for daddy not even calling to see how we're doing momma? He can call to just say hi and then hang up." Man, she's bright. I gave her a knowing look and say, "Uh, huh."
Back to the ride. I think of what the school nurse says right before hanging up, "I know you're busy and it's tough leaving work. But, Shani needs to go home. Isn't there anyone else who can help?" Sure I have a good support system. Oftentimes, it's family members and one of my single parent buddies that picks up my girls. In fact one single dad has been like a substitute dad for my kids - even bringing his own son for my daughters' Back to School Night. Thank God for angels!

What to do when you have a co-parent who lives on CONVENIENCE - not yours but his or hers? Aside from wanting to commit an act that would provide you with 15 minutes of fame on the six o'clock news, you pray. And then you remind yourself that parenting, after all, is about being unselfish.

Single parenting is about dealing with it - and whatever "it" brings to the game. Admittedly, it took a couple of minutes for me to gather my thoughts together. Horns and birds are silent as I gasp for air and answers.

And then I heard, "Be thankful." No one was in my car. Yet, I was having a conversation with myself about taking stock in all of my blessings.

I am blessed that Shani, my 9 year-old was only suffering from flu symptoms. The flu is a cakewalk compared to the agonizing near-death experience we had months earlier with my 5 year-old, Samara. It was only after a terrifying emergency room experience that we discovered Samara has Nephrotic Syndrome, a kidney disease where her body has trouble filtering out toxins. She's on medication and her remission status is also a blessing.

As a single mom, I know too, that I'm blessed with a job that offers flexibility in my sometimes-inflexible life. And, I'm blessed to be breathing. Exhaling. Battling and triumphing in this thing called single parenting.

Above all else, I realize that surviving - no making it matters most to my kids. For their hearts are forever etched with the good and bad that we endure as a family.

Angela
shaniadura@netzero.net