Penny's SAHM Journal

October 16, 2004

In Loving Memory of Olawuyi A. Oke
Penny reflects on her connection with a Nigerian angel and his family.
(Photo: Mr. Oke in Nigeria)

In my last journal entry, I wrote about my family's outing to see the powerful and spiritual Ishangi Family African Dancers at the Ritz Theatre and LaVilla Museum in Jacksonville, Florida. What I didn't include in that entry was that a beloved Nigerian friend of ours, Mr. Olawuyi A. Oke, was supposed to accompany us to the concert. He had recently returned to Florida from Lagos, Nigeria and was interested in attending the show with us, but on the day of the concert he was experiencing a little chest pain and thought it best to stay at home. He figured his 82-year-old body was simply trying to reacclimatize after a 16-hour journey from Nigeria.

At the beginning of the performance by the Ishangi Family African Dancers, my husband commented, "Mr. Oke would love this." I fully agreed. Throughout the show, I thought of my beloved Mr. Oke often -- imagining his humble smile as he witnessed these phenomenal dancers performing certain dances specifically from his country. I pictured him sitting next to my family, upright, in authentic African attire -- proud of his culture, proud of his country. Because the drums that night were so powerful, at times I felt like calling him from my cell phone so that he could at least hear a portion of the show. If I had brought my phone into the theatre I probably would have ended up calling him and whispering (as not to disturb the audience), "Daddy, listen to this."

Daddy? Yes, that's how I referred to Mr. Oke. As written in my January 4, 2003, journal entry, after seeing Mr. Oke on a morning walk of his back in 2002 and noticing how much he resembled my beloved deceased father, Ainsworth Norwood (Kebede) Burgess, I felt led to stop and meet him. More details can be found here:
http://www.celebratingchildren.com/journal_pennysahm1-4-2003.htm

To make a long story short, our families strongly bonded. To me, he became "Daddy." To him, I became "Daughter." To his birth daughter, Adedayo (Dee), who lives nearby, I became "Sister." To her husband, Bodun (BD), I also became "Sister." To their sons, Wale and Yemi, I became "Aunt." Mr. Oke's eldest daughter, Bukky, who lives in Nigeria, also welcomed me into the family. Inside of a card mailed to me from Nigeria, Bukky wrote: "Hi Penny, Nice hearing about you. You are welcome into this gracious family of Christ's Kingdom. Being the newest and the youngest of the family members, I hope to know you more, and your family. Once more, you are welcome and stay blessed. Greetings to your mom, Collin, and my little Caleb. I love them all."

Fast forward to October 10, 2004. Collin, Caleb and I went on a brief trip out of town in celebration of Collin's birthday on October 12. Because we would be seeing my in-laws later in the day on October 10, I had planned on calling Mr. Oke and his family once we reached our destination so that my in-laws could say hello to them. (They had met during Christmas 2002!) However, the thought to make that call completely escaped me during our trip.

October 12, 2004! Collin, Caleb and I returned home late at night from our trip. I didn't get around to checking our telephone messages until almost 11:45 p.m. The first six messages on the phone were from Dee and BD. The first message informed us that "Grandpa," as Mr. Oke was often called, had been rushed to the hospital after an abnormality with his breathing on October 10. The following messages stated that he had passed away that same day.

Initially, I only got through listening to the first two phone messages........to learn that "Grandpa" had passed away was SHOCKING news that literally sent my body into shock. This is a man I loved/love like my own father. This is the man I felt God put in my life as His way of returning a human piece of my father -- in a spiritual way -- to me after my beloved daddy had passed away. The connection between Mr. Oke and I was undoubtedly strong and Spirit-led, so to hear that he had departed earth, well, that led me to a long stream of tears.

I immediately called my Nigerian family here in Florida. "Don't cry, Sister," Dee said trying to comfort me. "Grandpa passed away so quickly and peacefully," she explained. "He's in a better place." He lived a good life. He was a great dad...," she said. Dee told me about the events of the pleasant weekend that they had spent together before he passed. She was so grateful that her dad had made it back to Florida before closing his eyes for the last time on earth. He had only returned to Florida on September 25, 2004, after spending several months in Nigeria. Fortunately, I had spent quality time with him on September 28 at his family's residence. We ate dinner together made by his grandsons. We chatted, looked at old pictures and I kept admiring the things he had brought back from Nigeria for my family -- including some beautiful African fabric. (In fact, I wore the elephant tusk necklace to Mr. Oke's funeral that Bukky sent to me via her dad when he last returned from the motherland.) On September 30, fortunately, I saw Mr. Oke once again when Collin, Caleb and I briefly went to visit him to deliver a lovely card that Caleb had made for "Grandpa."

Back to October 12, when I was crying to Dee on the phone after my trip! Prior to my call, Dee had gone through her bout of tears and I admired her strength during our call, but I just wasn't as strong as she was at that moment. My brother-in-law then took the phone and tried comforting me some more. "On the day Grandpa passed away," said BD, "he was reading Psalm 90. Read it when you get a chance." I later learned that on October 10, Mr. Oke had also written the word "assurance" above Psalm 90 in his Bible. That, and several other stories I heard indicated that he obviously had sensed that death was approaching him. I'm really not surprised by this, however, because he, like my daddy, walked deeply in the Spirit.

Dee also informed me that the funeral was scheduled for the following day, October 13, 2004. At 10:00 a.m., would be a memorial ceremony at the grave site for close family and friends, and then at 3:00 p.m., there would be a larger ceremony at a church.

With such short notice, Collin, unfortunately, couldn't make arrangements to have additional time off from his job, however, Caleb and I attended both ceremonies. Fortunately, we were able to see how peacefully Grandpa's body was resting and a sense of peace overcame me even though my tears still flowed. When we left the memorial site, Caleb said, "Mommy, it looked like Grandpa was smiling. I kept thinking that he might just get up," he said. I knew exactly how Caleb felt. It seemed that at any minute during the ceremony Mr. Oke might just wake up and smile!

While that never happened, his spirit, however, is still very much alive and smiling. I'm a deep believer in spiritual connections and already see some of them regarding his passing. For instance, on October 15, Caleb and I were headed to a science event, but after getting so hung up in traffic from taking a busier route that I usually don't take, we made a sudden U-turn to go back home. On our way home, we passed the entrance to Mr. Oke's grave site. I mentioned to Caleb that we should have swung by there, and then within minutes of me saying that, Caleb squealed with excitement: "Momma, look! Wale and Yemi." (Mr. Oke's grandsons.) I looked behind me as best I could while driving, but didn't see them. Caleb said, "They're in a white car." Since their mom does have a white car, I slowed down until the white car a distance behind me was side by side with mine. Turns out, Wale wasn't in the car, but rather Dee and her younger son, Yemi.

At that moment, I got this special feeling that words can't really explain. Because Caleb had suddenly spotted Mr. Oke's family so quickly after I made the comment about visiting the grave site, I felt there was some sort of spiritual connection going on here. I called Dee on her cell phone as soon as we arrived home. I was eager to tell her about my possible sign. "I think I may have just gotten a sign from Daddy," I eagerly said to her and then I proceeded to tell her the story. Without hesitation, she replied: "He was telling you that just because he's gone doesn't mean we shouldn't stick together. We have to stick together as sisters." That was all the confirmation I needed! In my mind, I had received an early sign from my dearest Mr. Oke!

After my daddy, Ainsworth, commonly known as "Kebede," passed away on June 15, 1996, my relationship with him didn't end, it grew to an even deeper spiritual level. I believe this is happening with Mr. Oke, too. However, far more quickly than I expected. (Faithful believers know that timing is in God's hands of course, not ours!)

I thank God for blessing me with these wonderful, God-filled fathers in one lifetime. How did I get so blessed? All I can say is a heartfelt: "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Bonding with Mr. Oke and his family has been an incredibly sweet chapter in my life!

Today (10/21/04), a friend of mine wrote to me: "......it seems that Mr. Oke knew best and that he had made his peace with Almighty God and closed his eyes and went home.......your relationship with him and his family is a once in a lifetime occurrence!"

I wholeheartedly agree! Because of this "once-in-a lifetime occurrence" I continue to praise God for this blessing. While I miss Mr. Oke terribly, he, like my dad, has left amazing memories to forever live on in my mind, heart and soul!

Much love to the wonderful Ainsworth Norwood (Kebede) Burgess and Olawuyi A. Oke.....truly brothers in Christ!

Hugs and Kisses...


Penny 10/16/04 through 10/21/04
Momtoaboy@aol.com