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 Pampering
for Spiritual, Emotional and Physical Renewal
by Petrina Burnham
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- Are you stressed out, depleted, overworked
or overextended from juggling all of the responsibilities in
your life such as family, job, friends, church and community
activities? Debrena Jackson Gandy in her book Sacred
Pampering Principles, An African-American Woman's Guide to Self-Care
and Inner Renewal, urges African-American women to integrate
sacred pampering into their daily lives to bring them more joy,
peace and pleasure. Sacred pampering is engaging in self-care
and inner renewal to enhance your mind, body and spirit. According
to Gandy, such pampering is an act of self-love that creates
 real and powerful results including weight loss,
greater intimacy in personal relationships, more clarity on personal
goals and life mission, improvement in outer appearance, improved
listening skills, and more joy out of the simple things of life.
Pampering is not new to African-American
women. Throughout the ages, African-American women have found
creative ways to pamper themselves even when conditions were
tough. Your grandma for example, may have soaked her feet in
epsom salt after a long day. Nevertheless, many African-American
woman are victims of what Gandy calls the Strong Black Woman
(SBW) Syndrome. According to Gandy, the SBW syndrome is a haunting
remnant of the powerful Mammie and Aunt Jemima images that are
still anchored deeply in our minds from slavery. As a result
of cultural conditioning, it is expected that African-American
women will be the nurturer, everlasting arm, and shoulder that
everybody else leans on. The SBW constantly gives out love, attention
and affection, but does not ask for it in return or appear to
need it in return. SBW have a hard time delegating which perpetuates
and reinforces the syndrome. Gandy says that too many mothers
believe that being the "self sacrificing martyr is honorable."
On the contrary, neglect of the mind, body and spirit leaves
mothers in a constant state of depletion. Loving care of self
empowers mothers to better take care of their children. Gandy
has found that pampering makes motherhood less of a struggle.
Pampered mothers are more patience and are better listeners.
When Gandy speaks of sacred pampering
she is not talking about outside grooming. Sacred pampering is
"inside" grooming that refuels and recharges the mind,
body and spirit. For an activity to be pampering it must satisfy
three criteria: 1) the experience is one in which you are the
primary beneficiary; 2) the experience brings you joy and increases
you inner spirit; and 3) the experience nurtures you body, mind
and spirit. Pampering is an exercise of self-love, self support
and self discovery that enhances personal well-being. By focusing
on what brings you joy, peace and pleasure you can positively
impact your life by improving your self image, love relationships,
and interaction with your children. As a result of pampering,
Gandy reveals that she has experienced many benefits including
weight loss, less drama and crisis, improved listening skills,
and improvement in her outer appearance.
Gandy asserts that at the heart of pampering
are 24 sacred pampering principles, 12 for the spirit and 12
for the body. Sacred Silence and Achieving a Balanced Life are
two of the Gandy's sacred pampering principles for the spirit.
Gandy assets that for our lives to be balanced, we must incorporate
blocks of silence, even if they are small blocks. Such periods
of silence are important to counter the effects of sensory overload
that contemporary living gives us. On a daily basis we are bombarded
with noise such as the alarm clock, radio, stereo, yelling, television,
sirens, loud engines, ringing telephones and slamming doors.
In silence you can hear the whispering of your intuition. Silence
enables us to get in touch with our inner self. We need to redesign
our lives with daily silence as a necessary ingredient. Gandy
suggests starting with five minutes of silence of day. Some simple
ways to incorporate more silence in your life are reading, writing
a poem, drawing, bathing, praying, and journaling, in silence.
Sacred pampering is a means to brings
equilibrium in your life. The process of organizing your life
around more self-supporting priorities, healthier choices and
self-care first helps counter those things that drain your power
and time, and wear you down. Gandy says "[ i ] realized
that when I am pampered, rested, and revitalized, I am more relaxed,
happier, patient, and productive. I am mentally and emotionally
more present, energetic, loving, tolerant, understanding, humorous,
and focused when I'm in balance and maintaining my self-dictated
life tempo."
Achieving balance requires making space
in your life. Many of our lives are cluttered and crowded with
unhappy relationships and obligations that consume our time,
but do not enrich our spirits or touch our hearts. Some of us
live in cluttered physical spaces. Cluttered bedrooms, cars,
closets, purses, desks and cabinets are often a reflection of
our minds which are also too full and cluttered. Often our calendars
are filled with activities that do not enhance us. When we are
out of balance, we tend not to do things that bring us joy.
One of Gandy's sacred pampering principles
for the body is to make your personal pampering a reflection
of you. The pampering experiences you select to indulge in should
reflect your personality and personal style. Participants in
Gandy's pampering seminars have shared diverse and varied ideas
about what brings them joy including writing thank-you letters,
watching the sun rise, writing a poem, staying in pajamas all
day, playing the piano, singing, sleeping in on the weekends,
going to a concert, taking a relaxing bath, reading a good novel,
having a slumber party, walking in the rain, and relaxing in
front of a warm fire on a chilly evening. It is important to
examine the nature of the experiences that bring you joy.
Gandy encourages the reader to incorporate
pampering into their workday. Gandy asserts that taking frequent
breaks at work enhances productivity and effectiveness. Examples
of ways to pamper yourself during the workday are to escape to
the solitude of an empty meeting room for lunch with a bag lunch
and a magazine or book to read, get a manicure or massage over
your lunch hour, go to a bookstore and find a quiet nook to read
or relax, keep affirmations at your desk so that your subconscious
mind can absorb these positive messages throughout the day, keep
a personal supply of refreshing herbal teas at your desk to drink
instead of coffee or a carbonated beverage.
Gandy urges readers to incorporate pampering
into their daily and weekly life schedule. It should be a priority.
Gandy suggests that in the early phases of a transition to an
integrated self-caring lifestyle, it is helpful to engage in
more structured and conscious planning. Time for pampering should
be blocked off in your appointment book or organizer. Once you
schedule your pampering time, you must stick to it. Your pampering
time should be spent doing what brings you joy.
Gandy urges her readers to make a list
of what brings them joy. This process should include reflecting
upon what you enjoyed doing as a child. As a child Gandy enjoyed
rollerskating down the big hill in front of her house, having
sleepovers and playing tea party with her sister. Now, as an
adult, she has started incorporating these experiences into her
life.
Gandy warns her readers to beware of "pampering gremlins".
Pampering gremlins are the reasons and excuses for why you have
not kept up with pampering yourself regularly. Pampering gremlins
can take many forms. Pampering gremlins try to convince you that
they are more important than your self-care needs. However, you
must remind yourself that loving care of self empowers you to
better take care of other people and your responsibilities in
life.
Gandy also encourages pampering with
a partner. Couples should determine what brings the two of them
joy together. Some examples of fun and bonding partner pampering
are having an indoor picnic on a blanket on the living room floor,
giving each other foot massages, slow dancing in the living room,
and going on a mini-getaway at a local bed and breakfast.
Petrina Burnham is a doll artist living,
working, and occasionally pampering in San Diego.
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- March 18, 2001
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- Some of Debrena's
- Pampering Ideas
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1) Give yourself a pedicure. |
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2) Make a "goals and dreams"
collage" using cutouts from magazines |
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3) Read a black romance novel while
enjoying a cup of herbal tea. |
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4) Visit your favorite cosmetic
counter at the department store and have the representative give
you a free makeover. |
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5) Take a walk by yourself. |
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6) Sleep in. |
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7) Stay in your pajamas all
day. |
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8) Take a day off from work
to pamper yourself. Instead of a sick day call it a renewal day. |
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9) Browse through a book store,
and take your own sweet time. |
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10) Try a new hairstyle. |
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11) Listen to a motivational
tape while you drive to work. |
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12) Take a fun, onetime adult
education course at a local community college or through an extension
program. |
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13) See a live theatre production. |
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14) Go to the zoo. |
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15) Color. |
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16) Get a body massage from
a male masseur. |
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17) Sit in a hot tub or Jacuzzi. |
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18) Snuggle on the couch or
in your bed with a warm blanket and a good book. |
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19) Collect vials of perfume
samples to pour into the water of your pampering baths. |
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20) Rendezvous with your husband
or significant other at a romantic location. |
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